This is how my heart breaks...

Right .. So .. uhhhh ..
i thought when feeling completely miserable, down to the last ion in my stick figured body..
what better way to get the weight of the world off my back by blogging ..

Today .. my heart is broken into three hundred gazillion pieces .. at the loss of a long time ,near to my heart, friend's brother .. Ive known Big P for ohhh 17 years and I have always loved this man .. I love him .. so when the news had gotten to me about his little brother, my chest has been tight since the call and not gone away and i wanted to cry SO so badly .. but what the fock do I do instead ?? my eyes just gloss over , no tears .. I haven't cried in so freakin long that even now when I want to I can not .. I would like to give that award to my mother .. thats a story in itself which i have no intention of telling at present ..


flip me a mile up the river .. i thought blogging would help .. but i still feel numb and overcome with sadness

whoa .. like Joey says from Gimme a Break ...

Right-y-o then ....

Let me start with last night .. hmm .. nope .. back up even more .. to yesterday morning ...

Guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed becuz i just wasnt my chipper bubbley self at all ..
it was a crazy busy day - stemming from a 3 day weekend , and it was Monday, I didnt sleep more than 2 or 3 hours Sunday night ... by the time 5pm came .. I found out that LuLu's baseball game was canceled due to rain .. however my little man's appearance in the AAA opening night game was still on ...

Due to the schedule change, I bought a ticket for Lulu n I ...
Well .. the other kids that my son was to go out onto the field with (fellow ball players) seemed to all be wild and unruly
ok fine well they arent my kids .. but the way i was raised was.. most especially in public u damn better behave or you will suffer later... and i in turn try to raise my kids the same .. except all of ya'll who know me .. know I suck donkey tit at enforcing ANY punishment at all .. ok back to point .. my kids stood beside me .. and for the most part they were truly fine ( compared to the kids who were picking up rocks and throwing them) my munchkins played wth each other .. for whatever reason i had a damn stick up my asz !@#@! and was not amused at their bouts of fun ... begging them to settle blah blah freakin blah ... yup smack me up side my stoopid head ..

FF(FastForward): we go to our seats .. we watch 4 innings and now the time is going for 9pm .. well its a school night and we have many a things to do before bed so it was time to go ... the kids didnt seem that into the game anyways chit chatting and checking everything else out ..

FF a little more .. we are at home and the kids are asking for something or other .. as i am trying to do my momly duties of cleaning cooking and such ... when my youngest asked for something - I was in the kitchen she was in the dining room .. my response was .. well darlin daughter .. i love ya but u kids really didnt behave at the game .. so i think no .... without hesitation she retorts " Mom we didnt act u p.. we are kids and we were acting like kids, we are only able to do that once in our lives and thats right now" and i am certain she threw in a sheesh or goooollly afterwards ... i immediately stopped turned to her and had her come in the kitchen - i said babe .. what did u say ?? .. she repeated it again , and added .. "really mom , we can not act like this once we get older ya know " in her matter of fact voice ...
I about had tears in my eyes and a huge grin on my face which made us both erupt in laughter .. I said mm hmm .. you are exactly right .. go on and do whatever it was u asked permission for ( Im drawing a blank at present to what it even was)
may i remind you this little angel just turned 8 years old ..

It just made me think ... as a parent .. I worry too much sometimes about my presentation of the children 2 the world .. spending too much time on that instead of focusing on the important stuff like letting them enjoy the innocence and joy of childhood for the few short years they are able .... and if only we as adults could kick back more often and act like kids ( the way i do too often lol ) we may find ourselves a little bit of happiness ..
I love those kids more every single day than anything else in the world = )
they construct the beating of my heart ..
and also give me some hella cool stories to share =)
<3
Have a great tipsy Tuesday !

kiss kiss =)

Grandma's letter.
She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car
She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if
you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought
about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had
changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd
never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and
then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida state back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up
in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and
gave him the good luck sign right back..

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they
got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I
noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through
the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before
the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after
all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for
such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

GET SOME

Ohhhh!!! my eyeballs !!! Let me just say I have begun my search for a new bikini ..
hmm problem is .. I don't have melons to hold like the lady above .. .. which brings up another thought.. wonder if the hand comes with a choice of breasts ??? that's hot said fred !!
i can see why the dude is wearing all the bling , why would u wanna cover up that eye catcher .. shyt man .. I'm gonna order me a pair off ebay right now.. and wear em to work tomrw .. i don;t think my engineers will mind ..
course they will have a new topic of the year and maybe the other one from 3 years ago when i burnt/melted a pot will be let go !!! hell i would much rather be known for hands on my tata's then a melted pot fire in the kitchen incident .. totally more appealing !! right ? just more random thoughts ... we all know where my mind has residence .. hell i am the Prez of Gutter Town ..

OK .. moving on to another random and innocent occasion today .. first .. Im not making ANY progress at work .. I am playing way 2 much ... I blame me for that .. tad bit distractable this week .. I better get back to my A: game ..
but I have plenty good reason

Randomness #2 - the little girl Alana (2 yr old local leukemia patient) she has made another miraculous turn in her fight for life ... God bless her and her family

Random-anomaly # C: welps ... i got distracted .. lets see if i can remember .. CURSE this amnesia or Alzheimer's i cant remember which i have

FLICK !!!! what was it >??? i had a random lost thoughtAHHH yes
whoo that was close

One of my engineers brought in a bag of Twix candybars and gave me one .. which immediately flooded my head with a beloved childhood memory .. which thanks to my work load i can not tell at the moment ..
but surely will reference back to this one so i can at later date

MUAH love u little flocker heads !!!
have a thumpin thursday !!!

Welcome to Wednesday ..

Welcome to Wednesday ..


well I am a chic of my word .. I left my house yesterday at 7.30am ish .. I got home at 9.45pm .. baseball season will do that to you .. ..

i promised i would cut my hair last night .. and once i had the kids in bed and settled and work around the house done .. i grabbed me scissors and choppered off 13 + inches of me hair .. let me tell u .. its a little hard to see the back of your head and chop-a-lop .. so i made the cut and snapped a pic .. here it is .. I am not done i need to shape it .. but saving that for tonite ..

I'm not gonna lie .. i feel weird , semi - retarded with out my long flowing hair touching my back and elbows , or getting caught in my jacket zippers lol .. and stuff .. but i would still do it a hundred times over (and i will too) for the cause .. I just cant get past thinking bout how these young innocent angels got a raw deal, fight for their life etc ... if there is just one small thing i can do .. you gosh dang friggin better believe i will do it !!
my hair will grow back , theirs wont .. so why not give them a small piece of mind while they travel through the most tumultuous journey they as children face..
Cancer today is so common I bet everyone who reads this can say they know of someone who had it .. I personally can say i know too many ... losing family and a dear friend to it .. I always felt helpless with them , all i could do was pray ..

thats all i have for now since i best be getting to work ..
this blooger blogger blocker head can not be ALL work no play sooo here is a funny:

Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous,
so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.
'No, I don't,' she replied.
Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex,
and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry,
then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'
She didn't crack a smile.
'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. 'What's so funny?' he asked.
'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'
(Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!)
Be afraid of old ladies! Be very afraid! They have been there and done everything!