Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Need me some LiLu

OK ... so .. right .. check it out .. its like this ...

Nothing like just minding my own squirrely business,
catching up in my internet addictions of blog-world and FB ..
when I accidentally stumble upon .....
----- > > > >

ramblings between kid sister and supposed bestie ..
in which said back & forths between them, are not nice things said about me. awesome.
(initial reaction in my exhausted head.. w t f ???, havent even talked to either, just been minding my own effin bees wax)

As I sit here .. teeter tottering over which way I should play this out:

Truth be told I already know I will ignore and pretend hurtful things were not said
why ? !?!?!
indeed .. why ???
because .. as a person who grew up the victim of life time teasings and such..
I have come to realize that humans can be down right mean without a shred of consciousness.

think happy thoughts- think happy thoughts .. rainbows, leprechauns with bowls of gold (come on do you really think they could pick up a pot full of gold )
think think think - well there are 4 beers in the work fridge .. i wonder if anyone would notice me sneaking one in the ladies room and chugging them.. I mean who would notice if i were inebriated ?? surely I wouldnt slur words after chugging 4 miller lites .. come on they are miller froggin lites !!

ohhh I KNOW !!!! READ LILU's blog ...

HA ! one sure fire way to make me laugh and get me out of ANY funk is to read the queen of all that is funny
If you have not ever read her blogs .. you really must .. she is not the dry laugh kind of funny.
NO ! no my dearlings .. she is fall out of your chair, liquids come out of your nose funny!
I would advise you to NOT drink or eat as you read her writings .. it is THAT hysterical.
Lilu is my idol !!! I wanna be like her when I grow up :)

I am SOOO doing this to my office mate Medussa - and I wont wait for April either!!! I can already hear her volatile yells at the computer screen - demanding it to correct itself .. eeek i love evilness !!

April Fool’s Day is always a lot of fun – you have to keep your guard up at all times because your coworkers might get you with a little prank, or you might just be taken in by an article from the mainstream media or one of your favorite blogs.

My favorite office prank. One of the best pranks I pulled on someone at work wasn’t actually on April Fool’s Day. I have a former coworker who is technically savvy – he is great with databases, creating wicked queries, troubleshooting coding problems, etc. A couple years ago I decided it would be a good idea to have a little fun with him. So I popped off the “N” and “M” keys from his keyboard and switched them. Then I waited.

A couple hours later I heard him muttering under his breath. After listening to a couple minutes of muttering followed by silence and more muttering I asked him what was going on. He told me he couldn’t type certain words correctly. I convinced him to restart his computer. Since it takes awhile he got up to get another cup of coffee – and I jumped into his seat, popped out the keys, switched them, and went back to work like nothing happened. I only feigned interest when he returned and declared the problem “fixed.”

This went on for about… 3 months. Evil, I know! It got to the point he called over our technical support team lead, who also couldn’t figure out the problem. Since he and the tech guy were both “software” type people, they tend to think in terms of code. They were restarting his computer, doing spyware sweeps, looking for corrupt sectors on his hard drive, examining recently added software, etc. After about an hour of this one morning, and at the point they were about to swap out his hard drive, I walked over to the keyboard with a pair of scissors, popped off the keys and swapped them out and said, “try it now.”

The look on their face was priceless! And I hate to think what would have happened if I wasn’t there to prevent the hard drive replacement!

Thursday, July 2, 2009


Thank the good Lord - I have heard from my darling dear .. Communications are now back up in the sandbox hell (aka Iraq)

HBP will now be returning to her normal psycho self :D

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Protect your necks, here comes the swords !! swish swish

OHHH how doest thou love me darling porkster??

Bless his weakened heart. He was very nearly left be-headed this afternoon.

I sincerely tried to retract my claws and fangs, swords and guillotines.

But of all things holy, all i did was say hello where u been ??? and the boy felt it necessary to immediately diiiiig deep and find maybe ONE thing that could possibly set me off and he succeeded..

Commence be-heading. I felt like Henry VIII set out the immediate order himself for my dear Porky and did my dearest Porkster run ? hide? quiver in fear? say his last prayers of redemption??

*caption: Chomp the motherfucker!

NOOOOO no he did not, he immediately became like Wolverine from the XMEN and his steel claws also came out!

Next thing I knew it was a full on , hair pulling , screeching , bitch slapping , pissing contest.

First please note this has been a hell-acious week for me - I am not looking for pity at all , nor compassion .. but when I clearly hang the Warning Sign up and next to it a white flag ... that could only mean KEEEP OUT or risk losing your beloved head..

I am absolutely loathing in self misery as my sweet cherished kiddos are in PA visitng their father leaving me as a walking zombie becuz even one day away from them tears my heart up.

Secondly , the boyfriend is MIA - as in I effin HATE YOU Iraq with a passion
All communications have been lost there for the last 3 days every hour that goes by feels like an eternity plus one day.

Thirdly , yesterday I woke with a full blown killer migraine - and was in the worst of excruciating pains .. anyone who has ever suffered migraines knows there is nothing worse than a full blown migraine which is more than just a wicked headache, it started off that i was blind , the throbbing in my head was SO bad i could not even get out of bed to get some meds or pee.

- EW no i didnt pee my bed -

I went back to sleep till i was ready to explode lol- also the lovely accompanying migraine affects include nausea hot and cold shakes extreme sensitivity to light and sound and over all readiness to devour anything or anyone who dares to bravely come within 2500 feet of you.

I would rather any other part of the body be in pain over a migraine - and i can talk from experience as i have severely suffered pain elsewhere and have had migraines since i was 20 yrs old.

Also what happens after a full blown migraine is equally miserable the massive head pain typically simmers down to a miserable lighter aching throbbing annoying persistant biotch of a mofo. The day after the initial full blown migraine is usually followed by what I have dubbed as the Migraine hangover a headache which no meds will take away ( it will try to keep it at bay) , but it stays and aches and hurts and makes you utterly miserable.

So to my sweet bestie who is oh so not scared to lose his ever loving head to the queen of mean .. thank you for always sucking up ur blood for me and hanging in there :D

I heart u
bestie ...